My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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