i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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