All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
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