bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
