Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Boobs are out for the taking
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
