Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
