You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
