It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
