Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
