Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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