Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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