why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
