THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
