I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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