I am puke
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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