he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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