I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
