i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
