Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
