apparently the secret to your success is patron
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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