I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
