i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
