Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
