I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
