Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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