If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
