i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
