I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
