you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
