Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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