If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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