just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
