in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
