Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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