4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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