Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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