That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
