i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
