stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It's never too late to be topless.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
