Duck Duck Cougar?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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