we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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