couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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