; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
