my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
