i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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