she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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