So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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