I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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