Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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