Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
