So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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