then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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