But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
