even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Actions speak louder than pants.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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