Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I currently don't understand fingers.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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