i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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