The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
