Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
