My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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