you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
ttyl tear gas
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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