similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
