flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
