the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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